Daniel Goode

“What are we to make of the recent cases of high school girls in the northeast, bastion of the cultural elite, who could find no solution to their unwanted pregnancies but to kill their newborn infants?” —Ellen Willis in ESCAPE FROM FREEDOM.

THE NEW ANTI-ABORTION PILL or A Modest Disposal

—a libretto—

Have you heard? Have you heard? No, we haven’t. I’m pregnant. We have the answer. And I’ve already got two kids, I work, have no insurance. I’m single. We’ve got a pill, it’s a new pill. I need it You do need it. What does it do? We’ll tell you at once. So, nu, how new is it? It’s new, it does what we all want it to do. Who are you? Pfizer, Mam. It’s for extreme cases, Mam. That’s me, an extreme case. I need it now. Ok, first we need your Social. You already have it from my phone calls. Repeat it, repeat it Ok, Ok…….. It’s approved. What’s approved? The new Anti-Abortion pill. It’s approved by whom? By the FDA. OK, FDA! All I want is peace. We give that in spades. Don’t dig me in, not yet. No, not yet, not yet, not yet. So how does it work? It works well, a step forward. For what? For equality Oh, great: I can get an abortion, then? We’ve got the pill. That’s even better I want it, I want it. The playing field is leveled. Men and women are now equal. What’s it called? UR 86 I’m not 86. No, that’s the name, it will end the shame of an abortion. I don’t have any shame. Ok, then try the pill anyway Is it covered? Yes, but you pay a co-pay of 10,000. I earn only 12. This pill will solve your deep internal problems without condemning your children. My children are not in danger of that. Ok, no matter you’ll feel better. And your husband will feel better. I don’t have a husband. Ok. Do you want to save your fetus? Yes,… no,…I don’t know. Well, that’s the trade off. Then it’s not an abortion. But you will no longer be pregnant. I’ll do it, then. No other rules? Only that it’s the father’s right to choose if the drug is right for him. That’s two rights for him, none for me. We can wave that rule if the father can’t be found. He’s dead. I’m so sorry. I’m not, not a bit sorry. Well, here’s how it works. You come to the clinic I’ll come to the clinic. You ingest an oral drug that tests for the fetus. I know there’s a fetus. But we must know too. And if I test positive for fetus? A near-fatal dose of barbiturates induces a coma in the mother. That’s me! Until the child is born OK, that’s him or her —at which point a second, fatal does is released. On whom is it released On the mother, it’s been ingested with the first dose. Wait, a fatal dose, you said. That means I’m dead. Your child survives, the playing field is leveled. But I am leveled along with the field. You are held up as a credit to your sex. But I’m dead and I get no sex. [SHORT PAUSE] Fewer un-wed mothers. All comes right in the end. All comes right in the end. THE END